I don't know if Chris Tarrant is interested in the subject, but if he wants to hang on to the show's money, he should start quizzing contestants about food and wine matching on Who Wants to be a Millionaire? They could ask the audience do 50/50, phone a friend and take hints from half a dozen people hacking in the front row, but they'd still have trouble getting the right answer.
Why? Because to paraphrase the screenwriter William Goldman on the formula for Hollywood success: nobody knows anything. Even so-called experts can't agree on what you should drink with what. I've just opened four books on food and wine matching at random to see what they recommend with chicken tikka masala, allegedly the UK's favourite dish. Suggestions included: Australian Shiraz/Cabernet, Indian Sparkling, Zinfandel, Beaujolais Villages, White Bordeaux and New Zealand Sauvignon Blanc. Plenty of consensus there, then.
'Is matching food and wine really worth the effort?' asks one of them with a knowing smile. Only if the video shop is closed, you've considered playing Twister, listened to all of your old Led Zeppelin albums and rearranged your sock drawer five times. Few things are a bigger waste of time in my view. Or have attracted so many charlatans. (And yes, I'm aware that I recommend wines to serve with Nigel Slater's food in OFM most months. The sound you just heard was my own glass house being shattered by falling stones.)
Don't tell the food and wine matching mafia I told you so, but most wines go with most dishes, or are 'non-reactive' as they say in business. Use a bit of common sense and you can serve your favourite wine with almost anything, even if it's Liebfraumilch. Let's face it, you don't have to be a top sommelier to recognise pairings from hell: red Bordeaux with lemon tart, Botrytis Riesling with kidneys, or vintage port with oysters, for instance. Pairings from heaven are similarly rare. Some of them are classics (Roquefort with Sauternes; Muscadet with mussels; coq au vin with red Burgundy) and some of them happen by chance. I once partnered an Australian sparkling ale with chocolate brownies for a laugh and the result was delicious. That's why you should always try new things and ignore the prescriptions in books. After all, what's the worst thing that can happen? If the wine makes the food taste disgusting, or vice versa, then open a bottle of something else.
You don't need to know much about food and wine matching to 'enhance your dining experience', as they say in America. But there are a few things that are worth bearing in mind. First, extremely tannic wines are the most difficult to pair with food. If you're a Barolo lover, you need to think carefully about what you're eating, but I'd make sure it's got plenty of tannin-softening fat in it. Second, acidity in food lowers our perception of acidity in wine. (Lick a slice of lemon and then taste a glass of New World Chardonnay. See how soft it tastes?) Conversely, sweetness in food increases our perception of acidity in wine. (Taste the same wine with a dessert.)
And, er, that's about it. The books may promise 'instant magic', but there is no such thing. Taste is so subjective that my ideal pairing could be your candidate for the nearest sickbag. Where food and wine matching is concerned, I'd say that (almost) anything goes. And that, Mr Tarrant, is my final answer.
Top six non-reactive wines
2002 Swartland Pinotage (£4.49, Majestic; buy two bottles, save £3)
If you like the strangely earthy, strawberry-cup-meets-Liquorice-All-Sorts character of South Africa's signature red grape, this is an elegant, raspberry-scented number with supple, approachable tannins and plenty of flavour.
2000 Pinot Gris, Mulforst, Domaine Mittnacht (£12.95, Berry Brothers)
A white that's virtually a meal in itself, this is a rich, spicy, peach and orange peel-like Pinot Gris made according to biodynamic practices. It's got some body and concentration too.
2002 Yalumba Riesling (£5.99, Safeway; Waitrose; The Wine Society)
The Australian Riesling bandwagon has hit third gear in the last year, thanks to wines like this: fragrant, lemon and lime-zest like white with well balanced acidity and palate-tingling freshness.
2001 Corbi¿res Reserve, Ancien Comt¿ (£6.49, Tesco)
From the excellent Mont Tauch co-operative, this is a traditional southern French blend of Carignan, Grenache and Mourv¿dre treated in a modern fashion. It's a spicy, concentrated, unoaked red with prominent notes.
2001 Etoile Filante Chardonnay, Vin de Pays d'Oc (£6.99, Oddbins)
I've already recommended the Viognier from this brilliant southern French operation, but the Chardonnay merits a detour, too. It's a soft, attractively oaked white with refreshing acidity.
My best buy
2002 Heemskerk Sauvignon Blanc (£6.99, Marks & Spencer)
I'm not usually a member of the Sauvignon Blanc fan club, especially when it's produced in Australia, but this Tasmanian example is a stunner, showing flavours of guava, grapefruit and greengage. A wine that really hits the G spot.
· Tim Atkin has been voted Lanson Wine Writer of the Year for the second year running.
