En route to No 12 Berkeley Square and the newish Indian restaurant Benares, we are stopped by a shiny young American couple seeking directions. In a conversation which lasts roughly 30 seconds, the woman can't stop herself revealing that they are staying at Claridge's - any longer and she would probably be showing me her husband's gilt-edged bank statements.
No 12 is adjacent to the Bentley showroom, where, for a down payment of around £30,000, numerous monthly payments and a final wedge of 50 grand, you can own a motor that costs the same as the national average house price.
In short, if you want to feel slightly scrofulous and fiscally insignificant, Berkeley Square is the place to be.
Benares is reached by a vast street-level entrance from which you ascend to an even vaster windowless first-floor room with a bar and several screened-off dining areas.
It looks like an International Ethnic Moderne boutique hotel, ie it's so blandly tasteful that the overall effect - exacerbated by a low babble of different tongues, crisply businesslike service and a soundtrack of chill-out classics - is of a first-class airport lounge.
The menu has a not unreasonably priced tasting menu at £35 a head and some tempting à la carte. My starter of crab salad with vermicelli-coated fried prawns arrives swiftly and over-chilled but is redeemed by its limey zing and a giant hot, crunchy king prawn, albeit in the singular. My partner makes the better choice with a salad of scallops and prawns with grape, mint and ginger, which elicits a satisfied 'Mmm-mm'.
For our mains we rove across continents: my lamb shank with coriander and chillies is conceived at the place where Greece meets the Ganges, while Adrian's pan-fried John Dory in a mint, coriander and ginger marinade with curried mussel broth calls to mind Kerala's answer to Rick Stein. Our rice is baked and our naan spicy, but the bottle of Cloudy Bay is not cold enough and the weakest link are the vegetables, which promised more than they manage to deliver. Dessert of grilled pineapple with honey and saffron ice cream proves once and for all that you don't go to an Indian restaurant looking for enlightened puddings.
Benares was busy and the food was good (though not, for me, in the same league as Zaika or Tamarind), but in the same way that a holiday destination can tick all the boxes without ever being really special, I can't think of one compelling reason to return. Mind you, I'd love to visit Benares.
· Benares, 12 Berkeley Square, London W1 (020 7629 8886). Dinner for two, with wine, £128. Jay Rayner will be back next week.
