Sourdough bread : Oatcakes : Steak and kidney pie : Bubble and squeak/ Cabbage and mash : French dressing : Cashel blue cheese : Black pudding : Irish whiskey : Stout Kippers
Loch Fyne, 600g, £5.50, (01499 600264; www.loch-fyne.com)
Now this is a smoked fish. A light smokey flavour that doesn't invade the palate so it's a starter more than a breakfast.
*****
L. Robson and Sons, Craster Kippers, 500g, £6 (01665 576223; www.kipper.co.uk)
One for the morning after. Your quintessential heavily cured kipper. Moist, flakey and potent.
****
Sally Barnes Woodcock Smokery, 500g, £6, (00 353 28 36232)
Grill this one and serve it with a mixed leaf salad. Very fresh, subtle and a treat.
****
Co-op Kipper Cutlets with Butter, 250g, 89p
This is not a kipper as I know it.It tastes like it's been steeped in a smoked flavouring and orange colour has been added. Vile.
no stars
Safeway Kippers with Butter, 250g, 99p
Did this come from the same plant as the Co-op kipper? More of a metal taste than a fish one. Is this really fish? Worrying.
no stars
Poilne, £3.53/kg, available from Harrods, Waitrose, Selfridges, Harvey Nichols and Fortnum and Mason The caviar of the bread world.
*****
Schneider Brot, Whole Grain Rye, 500g, 95p, available from Waitrose
When I worked in The Netherlands I couldn't live without it. Great with Edam.
****
Waitrose Sourdough, over the counter, 89p a loaf
This is a fair attempt. Not terribly sour, but good value.
***
The Village Bakery, Rossisky, 800g, approx £1.85, available at Waitrose and Sainsbury's.
Sawdust texture with the taste of a thousand breads.
*
Baking Emporium Rye and Spelt Sourdough, £3.25/loaf (00 353 234 5260; www.bakingemporiumltd.com) Borough market from mid September. Promising but undercooked.
*
Tesco Finest Scottish Oatcakes with Cracked Black Pepper, 250g, 99p
Salty, moist, but not quite there. The pepper comes through at the end. Good TV snack.
****
Safeway Organic Oatcakes, 300g, 99p
OK. Fine. Not the best texture but thankfully, it does taste of oats.
***
Land of Macbeth Crofter's Oatcakes, 300g, £1.50, available at Harvey Nichols
Sweet and perfectly crumbly, but no flavour. Pass the salt please.
**
Stockan & Garden Orginal Orkney Oatcakes (organic), 100g, 69p, available from Booths
Thin and crispy but there's no particular identity. Neither good nor bad.
**
Tesco Puff Pastry medium, 630g, £3.39
Not a bad effort. A pie that would satisfy at the end of a day (after a hard day in the kitchen and a few pints).
****
Sainsbury's Deep Filled Puff Pastry, 210g, £1.59
Oh - there's actually a bit of kidney in this one. Nicely puffed pastry and a similiar flavour to the Tesco pie.
****
M & S Butter Enriched Shortcrust Pastry, 170g, £1.19
The best quality meat of the lot, but hiding in the pastry.
**
Safeway Puff Pastry, 540g, £2.99
Great pastry; dreary filling. Could we have some flavour here please Safeway?
*
M & S Traditional Oatcakes, 300g, 69p
First they are brittle and then they form a stodge when you chew. Ugh!
no stars
Asda Shortcrust, 680g, £1.76
This one wasn't precooked and so it could benefit from being cooked a little longer. But why bother? It was a desperate pie and as for the filling, excuse me while I...
no stars
Safeway Eat Smart Cabbage Mash, 450g, £1.59
Baby food. No flavour.
no stars
M & S Savoy Cabbage and Spring Onion Potato Mash, 450g, £1.69
Nicely packaged but unbearable emulsifed starch.
no stars
Aunt Bessie's Bubble & Squeak, 550g, £1.49 www.auntbessies.co.uk available at Sainsbury's,
Looks good, tastes like dog food.
no stars
Tesco Bubble & Squeak, 650g, £1.99
At least this one had a rustic look to it. It wasn't too purified, but please, spare us the cabbage stalks.
***
Asda Creamy French dressing, 240g, 78p
I would eat this if I had to because it's not totally vile. Needs more mustard and vinegar but, thankfully, it isn't too sweet.
***
Waitrose Bubble and Squeak, 450g, £1.79
Has a smidgen of body and texture. Poor seasoning and the cabbage was too finely chopped.
**
Loyd Grossman French dressing, 250g, £1.69, available at Safeways, Asda and Sainsbury's
Is this salad cream? It would appeal to Americans because it is too sweet and creamy. But not bad.
**
Maille, Vinaigrette Provençale, 250g £1.49, available from Sainsbury's and Waitrose
This tasteless, horrible dressing is no reflection of a company that makes one of the finest mustards in the world.
**
Marks & Spencer French dressing, 315g, £1.99
If only they had put the same amount of effort into the pro-duct as they had into the bottle. Tastes like fat-fryer oil. A disgrace.
no stars
Waitrose Gourmet French dressing, 175ml, £1.19
It's sweet, it's sour and - quite rightly - it doesn't have a sickly creamy look. I'd be delighted to have this on my table.
*****
La Fromagerie, £15.50/kg (020 7935 0341; www.lafromagerie.co.uk)
Very creamy with just the right amount of rich blue veins. I can't fault it so the cheeese must have been stored with love and care.
*****
Asda Black Pudding Stick, £2.90/kg
Looked promising but tastes like wet cement.
*
Neal's Yard, £14.50/kg (020 7240 5700)
We serve Neal's Yard Cashel: It's expertly stored to keep its soft texture and creamy taste.
*****
Waitrose £9.99/kg
Not bad for a supermarket effort. A little too salty - which means it was probably kept at room temperature too long - but adequate.
**
Harvey Nichols, £13.50/kg
Strong and salty but two points for the texture. Signs of melting around the sides so it must have been kept too warm for too long.
**
Booths, £8.80/kg
What did they do to this cheese - keep it in the oven? Completely inedible; like eating sea water.
no stars
Clonakiltys, £7.50/kg, www.clonakiltyblackpudding.ie stockists Fortnum & Mason, Harrods and Harvey Nichols
Now this kicks ass. Rough texture, subtle spices and not too much fat.
*****
Waitrose , £3.50/kg, over the counter
Looks moist and crumbly but the reality bears more relation to dog food than decent black pudding.
*
Sainsbury's, 170g, 55p
Tastes like Chinese food.
*
