Angelina Jolie

Connaught Hotel: Do you have a table for two? 'We have a space at nine o'clock?' Angelina wouldn't want it that late. 'She's welcome to wait in the bar and there might be cancellations. There's nothing available at the moment.'

Hakkasan: Do you have a table for two? 'I only have 11.45pm.' I'm calling for Angelina Jolie. Would you be able to squeeze her in at 8pm? 'Hold the line ...No problem, it's done.'

China Tang at the Dorchester: Do you have space for two people? 'I'm not sure, what name would it be under?' I'm calling on behalf of Angelina Jolie. 'OK, and for what time?' Eight o'clock. 'That's fine.'

Chantelle (Celebrity Big Brother winner)

Connaught Hotel: 'There is nothing in the main dining room I'm afraid.' I'm calling for Chantelle, the Celebrity Big Brother winner. Can you squeeze her in? 'Let me see ... We have a booking that hasn't been confirmed, so I can give her that table.'

Hakkasan: 'I don't have anything available.' I'm calling on behalf of Chantelle from Big Brother. Can you make an exception? 'I really couldn't.'

China Tang at the Dorchester: 'There is nothing available at 8pm. I have something a little later?' I'm calling for Chantelle. Do you think you could try and fit her in? 'I will check with the maître d' .... Yes, that is fine. We'll see her at eight.'

Mick Jagger

Connaught Hotel: Can I book a table for two, please? 'We're fully booked, I'm afraid.' I'm phoning on behalf of Mick Jagger. 'OK ... I'll just check ... We can give him a table at 9pm.'

Hakkasan: Can I book a table for two? 'We're fully booked, I'm afraid.' I'm phoning on behalf of Mick Jagger. 'Let me put you on hold while I just check ... Hello. Can we call you back please?' (They don't.)

China Tang at the Dorchester: Can I book a table for two? 'I'm afraid we're fully booked.' It's for Mick Jagger. 'That's fine, the boss would kill me if I said no.'

Connaught Hotel 020 7592 1222
Hakkasan 020 7927 7000
China Tang at the Dorchester 020 7629 9988