Wolseley
160 Piccadilly, London
Madonna and Guy Ritchie
A table for two for this evening please.
'There are some first-come, first-served tables. You could try for those.'
It's for Madonna and Guy.
'What time would they want?'
7.30.
'Hold the line a moment ... That's not a problem.'
Richard and Judy
Can I have a table at 8?
'We have something at 9.'
It needs to be 8. It's for Richard and Judy.
'We can definitely get them something. I could give them a table in the non-smoking salon which isn't bookable.'
Cheryl Tweedy and Ashley Cole
Can I have a table for two this evening?
'We have nothing between 6.30 and 9.'
It's for Cheryl Tweedy and her fiance.
'I can take your number and call you back when I've done the allocations.'
They don't call back.
Nobu London
19 Old Park Lane, London
Madonna and Guy Ritchie
Can I have a table for two tonight?
'We only have something at 6 or 9.30.'
It's for Madonna and her husband. Can you find them a table at 7.30?
'Yes that's fine.'
Richard and Judy
A table for two for this evening please.
'We only have something at 9.45.'
It's for Richard and Judy. Could you squeeze them in?
'Yes, we could squeeze them in at 8.'
Cheryl Tweedy and Ashley Cole
Can I have a table for two?
'We have 6 or 10pm.'
I would need it for 8. It's for Cheryl Tweedy and Ashley Cole.
'That's all we have. I can take your number and see if we can find her something.'
They don't call back.
The Fat Duck
High Street, Bray, Berkshire
Madonna and Guy Ritchie
'We're fully booked.'
It's for Madonna and Guy, her husband. They don't need the table for long.
'I don't know what happens on these occasions. Hold the line ... There is just nowhere to put them. We're tiny. I'm so sorry.'
Richard and Judy
Table for two for this evening?
'Sorry, we're fully booked.'
It's for Richard and Judy. Could you squeeze them in? They really want to dine at the Fat Duck.
'No sorry, as I said we're full. Once my tables are gone, they're gone.'
Cheryl Tweedy and Ashley Cole
Can I have a table at 7 tonight?
'I'm afraid there aren't any tables.'
I'm calling on behalf of Cheryl Tweedy and Ashley Cole.
'It's a minute restaurant with only 15 tables and when it's full, it's full. I just can't do it.'
