Sadie Frost

Le Caprice: Sadie is a fruitarian, can you accommodate her? 'We can only accommodate what's on the menu.' Could you get some fruit in? 'We can fax the menu over and ensure what she chooses is served raw but we couldn't order stuff.'

The Montagu Arms: 'Oh, right ... erm ... what is a fruitarian exactly?' Well, the fruit must be raw and have not suffered a painful death. 'Well, I don't know if I could guarantee that. I'll check.' They call back. 'We'll get some fruit that has fallen off a tree.'

St John Bread and Wine: Could you get Sadie some fruit that hasn't died a painful death? 'Unfortunately, we can't guarantee it's fallen naturally. I do apologise. That request is not going to be possible to accommodate.'

Heather Mills McCartney

Le Caprice: Heather's a fruitarian. 'She's a what?' She can only eat raw fruit and vegetables that have fallen naturally from the trees. 'Madam, we can serve her raw fruit and vegetables, but we couldn't guarantee how they fell.'

The Montagu Arms: Do you have a fruitarian menu for Heather Mills McCartney? 'We don't have a fruitarian menu, but we had a similar enquiry several days ago and it would be fine to create a menu for her if she tells us in advance.'

St John Bread and Wine: Do you have a fruitarian menu? 'We specialise in meat so it's not normally something we would do. But I can ask for you ... No, it's not something we do. There are vegetarian options, but not fruitarian options.'

Zac Goldsmith

Le Caprice: 'We've just started using foragers. It's probably just a couple of hippies going out rambling in the woods collecting berries and herbs. I could ask them if they could do some fruitarian picking and see what they get.'

The Montagu Arms: Zac would like to dine with you but is a fruitarian. Will this be a problem? 'No, not at all. We'll endeavour to do our best. We'll just charge appropriately for the special order.'

St John Bread and Wine: Zac's on a fruitarian diet, can you help with that? 'Our supplier is New Covent Garden, so we wouldn't be able to guarantee it. But if Zac wants to bring his own produce, I'm sure we could create a menu for him.'

Le Caprice, London. 020 7629 2239

The Montagu Arms, Hampshire. 01590 612324

St John Bread and Wine, London. 020 7251 0848