Peaches Geldof

Launceston Place: Peaches would like to do some karaoke after her meal. 'We're so pleased she'd like to eat here, but we're not the sort of restaurant to do that. It's terribly old fashioned, full of brigadiers and those sorts and they'd have a complete fit.'

Pizza Express: Peaches wants to do some karaoke in the restaurant. 'Who?' Bob Geldof's daughter. 'I'm sure that won't be a problem. I need to check. I'll call you back.' They don't call.

The Grove: Peaches would like to do some karaoke. 'She couldn't do it in the restaurant. We don't do anything like that. We've had magicians, but she could do it in the private dining room.'

Kate Middleton

Launceston Place: 'Sorry, that wouldn't be possible.' But it's for Kate Middleton. She wants to have a late birthday celebration. 'Maybe for her, but I doubt it very much. We don't have the equipment.' She'd bring her own. 'I just don't think it's possible.'

Pizza Express: Can Kate Middleton do some karaoke? 'Er, I'm not sure about that.' You know who Kate is don't you? 'No.' Prince William's girlfriend. 'I'll just put you on to the manager ... That's fine by us.'

The Grove: Could Kate Middleton do some karaoke in the restaurant? 'No, not that I'm aware of.' She'll wait until the end of the night. She doesn't want a private room. 'I'll check for you ...We can't do that unless she wants to hire a private room.'

Samantha Cameron

Launceston Place: 'Karaoke? In the restaurant? We don't do music in the restaurant.' Sam would bring her own karaoke machine. 'Sorry no. It's very classy here, you know upper class. We wouldn't have music in here. In twenty years, we've never ever had music.'

Pizza Express: 'We don't do karaoke.' You know who Samantha Cameron is? 'Nope.' David Cameron's wife. 'Who?' The leader of the Tory party. 'If she's a VIP we might make an exception. I'll check.. Sorry we have a disco on tomorrow night.'

The Grove: 'Er ...no.' It would be a party for Samantha Cameron, David Cameron's wife. 'Right. Are they booking the entire restaurant out?' No just a section. 'I'll check ... They might make an exception.'

Launceston Place, Launceston Place, London W8
Pizza Express, branches nationwide
The Grove, Chandler's Cross, Hertfordshire