Wayne Rooney

Hi, do you have any tables left on Friday night? 'We have 6.30pm or 10pm.' Nothing at 8pm? 'No, I'm afraid not.' It's not actually for me, it's for Wayne Rooney and his girlfriend. 'Ah, OK. Well let me have another look at the reservations book. Can you hold please .... Yes we can find him something at eight.'

Ronaldo

I'd like a table for two for Friday night at 8pm please. 'We have 6pm or 10pm.' No, Ronaldo wants 8pm. 'Ronaldo? The footballer?' Yes. 'We could give him something at 7.' No, it needs to be 8. 'Right. Can you hold please ... We'll see what we can do and call you back.' They call back with a table at 8pm.

Roy of the Rovers

Can I have a table for two for Friday night please? 'I have a 6pm or after 10pm.' Not at 8pm? 'No.' But it's for Roy of the Rovers. 'Who?' Roy of the Rovers. He's famous. 'What's his surname?' Race. 'Roy Race from Rovers?' Yes. 'Hold the line ...nothing at 8, but Mr Race is welcome at 6pm.'