Why?
Because it's piping hot. Gussied up by the people who brought you London fashion favourites the (brilliantly chintzy) Covent Garden Hotel, and the (breathlessly grand) Charlotte Street Hotel, it has a Euro-fabulous clientele (Caprice, Jodie Kidd, L'Wren Scott) and a stinking restaurant review from AA Gill to its name. And Posh and Becks recently checked in. How to resist?
I can't imagine.
Furthermore, it was the express wish of the Cocktail Girl's old mucker from college, Em D, that we have a look. Em D's a fabulous creation, glamour puss meets latter-day Dorothy Parker - cleavage, manicure, Chloé handbags, super-quick wit. The International Playboy thought he'd come too. He and Em hadn't seen each other since they were children, or, er, students.
Cue much cooing over how fabulous the three of you still look, and gosh, how you haven't aged one jot in the last 27 years ...
It hasn't been 27 years! How rude! But otherwise: yup, pretty much. There we were, ensconced on a super-stuffed banquette upholstered in the same purple-y semi-oriental-look plush velvet as the bar stools, chairs, drapes and, er, even the walls ... And we were turning glowy and fuzzy - which might have had something to do with the champagne cocktails, but also because nothing makes you feel as giddily youthful as a reunion with the people you had a really nice time with in 1991.
Were you unpleasant to the bar staff, and generally obnoxious?
Er, I don't think so. The IP wasn't convinced by the thrusting silver-horse statue feature that dominates the decor, and wasn't especially quiet on the matter - although I rather liked it. As for the other punters, they were the usual colourful West End cross-section. Indeed, when the CG returned to the Haymarket for a night, she breakfasted next to a table of LA R&B music types, who sang through my poached eggs, and talked 'studios' and 'high hats' and other exciting things.
You've gone off piste.
Well, you get the idea. Em D, the IP and me had big fun, re-established bonds, drank excellent drink, nibbled Gill-defying nibbles, and had a right old knees-up.
· Brumus, Haymarket Hotel, 1 Suffolk Place, London SW1 (020 7470 4000)
