Jordan and Peter Andre

Can I book a table for two tonight? 'We don't take bookings for under seven.' It's for Jordan and Peter Andre and they don't usually pay for meals because they generate such good publicity. 'What, they expect a free meal?' I am sure they can mention Pizza Express on their chatshow. ' Let me call you back...' Calls back. 'I'm sure they will say nice things about their meal here, so I really don't think I need to give them a meal for free.' So they'll have to pay? 'Yes.'

David and Samantha Cameron

I'd like to book a table for two people please. 'We don't take bookings for only two people I'm afraid.' It's for David Cameron and his wife Samantha. For 7pm tonight. 'The David Cameron?' Yes. 'I'm sure that will be fine.' Also, David doesn't usually get charged for meals and I wanted to make sure that wouldn't be a problem.' You mean, he would have the meal for free?' Yes. 'That shouldn't be a problem. I'll pop a note in the diary to make sure everyone knows.'