Tom Aikens tests smoked salmon

Owner of Tom Aikens restaurant

Waitrose, Organic Orkney 140g, £5.99
Looks organic. Good flavour and not greasy.
★★★★

Aldi 200g, £2.59
Deep and smoky and an excellent pale pink colour – a good indication of its provenance.
★★★★

Asda 125g, £2.46
Very nice, albeit very standard. A little greasy but a good colour. I don't like the fat though.
★★★

M&S, with Stout 100g, £4.99
Good flavour. Might have been sliced before smoking, as it feels slightly leathery.
★★★

Co-op 200g, £2.75
Nice buttery, smoky taste. A little overseasoned and greasy. But good colour and texture.
★★★

John Ross Jr 200g, £5.99, www.ocado.com
A soft texture; quite peppery, with a subtle smoky taste. A little too floppy, though.
★★★

Morrisons, The Best 100g, £3.99
The colour is truly revolting. It's almost neon. This has the texture of pâté.
★★

Tesco 125g, £3.79
Weirdly acidic and incredibly greasy. There's a lot of salt in here and it's oversmoked.
★

Richard Corrigan tests cranberry sauce

Owner of Corrigan's of Mayfair

Waitrose, Essentials 195g, 80p
The pithiness of the cranberry skin is tart. The consistency's not quite tight enough, but this is almost restaurant quality.
★★★★

Ocean Spray, 190g, £1.09, widely available
Whole berries in this, which cuts through the sweetness.
★★★

Asda, Extra Special 240g, £1
Too sugary, too much thickening agent, but at least there are berries and it's not as jammy as some offerings.
★★

Co-op 190g, 99p
Too sweet, but I like the structured texture. Needs more berries.
★★

Tracklements 690g, £6.25, www.tracklements.co.uk
This looks like redcurrant jelly. Very sharp and it tastes like red wine. You're paying for the jar.
★★

Wilkins & Sons 340g, £1.79, widely available
I can't taste cranberry. I defy anybody to tell the difference between this and strawberry jam.
★

Morrisons 200g, 77p
Too much pectin. Plus you can taste the preserving sugars.
★

Oak Lane 200g, 59p, Tesco
Too much juniper and cinnamon. Tastes like a dessert. Urgh.
no stars

Jason Atherton tests sausage rolls

Chef at Maze

M&S 200g, £1.09
The pastry is well-cooked; the meat is chunky, with a nice fatty edge. Sadly I can't taste butter in the pastry.
★★★★

Tesco, Finest £2.49 for 20
A good fat content in this one, which gives it a juicy punch. The pastry isn't bad but is rather thick and flavourless.
★★★★

Ginsters 150g, £1, Tesco
The meat is tasty in that sort of processed, overseasoned way. There's just lots of it.
★★★

Waitrose £1.89 for 2
Looks pretty cool. There's a lot of sausagemeat in here and it's a nice browny colour. But the pastry isn't great.
★★

Oaktree 99p for 5
The flavour of the meat is OK. It tastes of meat at least. The pastry is limp and lame, though.
★★★

Crestwood 99p for 6
Very little meat, too, and pretty damned salty.
★★

Sainsbury's £1.49 for 6
Too much cloying pastry and not enough meat. It tastes undercooked and underseasoned.
★

Morrisons 50p for 2
The meat looks like chicken. Boiled to within an each of its life. The pastry is vile to boot.
no stars

Angela Hartnett tests panettone

Chef at York & Albany

Tesco, Finest 1kg, £10
Lovely chunky fruit, smelly peel and a nice saffron colour.
★★★★★

La Torinese Classico 1kg, £17.50, www.luigismailorder.com
Fabulously cooked on top. Lovely dark crust.
★★★★

Carluccio's 1kg, £15.95
Amaretto on top? Perhaps with coffee, but it tastes predominantly of liquor.
★★★★

Mini Lakeland 100g, £4.99
Not much to this – orange, sweet, bouncy. A good effort for a small panettone.
★★★

Loison 750g, £12.99, Waitrose
Super-doughy texture. I like the candied peel but it's very sweet and almost too spongy.
★★★

M&S 1kg, £15
Not much to it. Dry, overpeeled, sweet. But not bad.
★★★

Bettys, Chocolate and Orange 750g, £7.95
A bastardised version of panettone and yule log.
★

Corsini, with Chocolate 750g, £8.99, www.ocado.com
Oh my. This has been pasted with chocolate. This is not panettone.
★

Eric Chavot tests stollen

Michelin-starred chef

Waitrose £2.99 for 12 bite-sized
Teeny tiny. They smell of cinnamon and spice and all things nice.
★★★★

M&S 1kg, £5.99
This looks fantastic. Covered in nuts and smells good. Just hasn't risen well.
★★★★

Booths 6 slices, £2.69, 01772 693 800
Good flavour but it's barely cooked.
★

Tesco, Finest approx 1kg, £6
Looks super, tastes sweet. The fruit is soaked in syrup. Warming helps.
★★

Bettys 500g, £6.95, www.bettysbypost.com
There is so much marzipan and so little love in this.
★

Oebel 500g, £5.49, www.ocado.com
This is hard and dry and damp. It tastes bland. Someone must have stollen the recipe.
★

Sainsbury's, Taste the Difference 660g, £5.49
The flavour's nice but it's barely cooked. Tastes of raw butter.
★

Morrison's 750g, £1.49
Like a giant flavourless lump of badly mixed dough.
★

Claude Bose tests mince pies

Owner of Hibiscus

Lyons 200g, £1.89, widely available
Doesn't look like a mince pie but tastes like one. Almost perfect. The filling is juicy, spicy and boozy.
★★★★

Tesco, Deep Fill £1.29 for 6
Excellent pastry. Not too thick; nice and crumbly. I can taste rind, orange and cinnamon and it's quite runny.
★★★★

M&S, Connoisseur £2.99 for 6
These look lovely. The pastry is flaky and not too sweet. But the filling tastes of burnt apple.
★★★

Waitrose, All Butter, £2.19 for 6
There's a lot of alcohol in here. The spices are correct, just too boozy for children.
★★★

Asda, Extra Rich £1.68 for 6
Excellent shortcrust. Good balance between pastry and filling, but lacks depth and spices.
★★

Sainsbury's, Luxury £1.99 for 6
These are a good size. The filling is juicy. But the pastry tastes of old fat.
★★

Aldi £1.49 for 6
The pastry is OK, if a little soft. Nice filling; a touch clumpy. Better warmed, I imagine.
★★

Mr Kipling £1.49 for 6
The pastry is thin and dry. The filling is full of dried raisins and little else. Bland – and the sugar on top is horrible.
★

Stuart Gillies tests brandy butter

Chef at the Boxwood Café

Tiptree 170g, £2.25, widely available
The most buttery flavour of them all. Doesn't taste of dairy. It's pretty sweet, but a nice Christmas taste.
★★★

Harrods 340g, £5.95, www.harrods.com
Very rich buttery texture, just lacking brandy. That said, it makes it versatile. It tastes nice.
★★★

Fortnum & Mason 210g, £2.95
The butter tastes false, like it's been enriched with a dairy flavour.
★★

M&S, with Remy Martin 150g, £2.99
Very spreadable and mild, with an odd whipped, oily-based texture. Not mad about it.
★★

Morrisons 250g, £1.59
Very light and sweet, with not enough booze. It's creamy, I'll give it that, but I'm not bowled over.
★

Harvey Nichols, with Rum 210g, £2.95
Lacks that buttery kick. It reminds me of rum and raisin ice cream.
★

Tesco, Finest 150g, £1.60
Sugary, grainy. Has a Mr Whippy texture.
★

Lakeland 425g, £4.99, www.lakeland.co.uk
Looks nice but actually tastes like a buttery boiled sweet. Oily and sweet and it's not very nice.
★

Clare Smyth tests Christmas pudding

Chef at The Royal Hospital Road

Asda, Extra Rich 454g, £3
This would wake up your palate after the turkey. Nice peel, nice fruit; moist and super boozy.
★★★★

Waitrose 1.36kg, £10.99
Looks beautiful. Lovely addition of pecans. I like the boozy kick. It's impressively light.
★★★★

Alnwick 1kg, £14.50, www.theproofof thepudding.co.uk
Lacking spice, but I like the whole pieces of fruit.
★★★★

Rowan Hill 750g, £2.99, Lidl
Nice texture and a good mix of peel. The nuts are crunchy and it's not too heavy.
★★★

Co-op, Truly Irresistible 454g, £5.49
Fantastic crunchy walnuts. Juicy texture. Bland but good.
★★★

Harvey Nichols 908g, £12.95, www.shop.harveynichols.com
Has a gingerbread texture and lots of peel and orange.
★★

Matthew Walker 454g, £6.99, www.matthewwalkerchristmas puddings.com
Really, really boozy. Not very family-friendly.
★★

Booths 454g, £5.49, 01772 693 800
Not much texture and only dried fruit in here. Far too rich.
★

and now for the last course ... Rowley Leigh test cheese

Brie

Waitrose, Rouzaire £1.79 per 100g
Streaks ahead in appearance. It looks a thing of artisan beauty. Buttery excellence.
★★★★★

Asda 66p per 100g
Pale and scentless. The texture is nice but it's stunningly bland, flat and chalky.
★★

Co-op 135g £1.89
Horribly underripe and overpasteurised. There's a hint of grass and a nice lactic quality. It's not very good.
★★

Aldi 200g, 99p
Nasty, synthetic tasting. Evidently not cut from a wheel and wrapped in wrapping paper. Pale and tasteless.
no stars

Mature cheddar

Aldi, Bishop's Land Extra Strong 200g, £1.49
Good bite, creamy finish, nice strong pong. I could eat this in a sandwich.
★★★★

Sainsbury's, Taste the Difference 99p per 100g
Rather crumbly, with a high acidity. Pale, white and pleasant. Just a little dry.
★★

Asda 79p per 100g
Rich, creamy and nutty. Just an anaemic-looking whiter shade of pale.
★★

Cathedral City 71p per 100g, widely available
Sharp-edged, with a rather unpleasant aftertaste. Far from fantastic.
★

Goats' cheese

Little Wallop 115g, £6.95, www.paxtonandwhitfield.co.uk
Has a wonderful farmyard smell. The texture's nice and buttery. Tastes properly of goat.
★★★★

Sainsbury's 100g, £1.79
A nice dollop of creamy, pleasant, sweet, pongy cheese. Good and perfunctory.
★★★

M&S, Kidderton Ash 150g, £2.29
This smells of chemicals and farmyards. Creamy, but the aftertaste is contrived.
★★★

Asda 71p per 100g
Mushy, Quarky-style cheese. Not bad but not pleasant. I wouldn't write home to Mother about it, put it that way.
★★

Smoked cheese

Sainsbury's, Applewood 200g, £1.55
A nice apple smell. Not dominated by smoke. Mild and nutty, which isn't bad.
★★★

Tesco 180g, £1.58
This tastes like mild, pre-sliced cheddar. There's a conflicting creaminess and blandness, but it might work with pickle.
★★

Asda, Austrian 350g, £2.46
Like smoked baby cheese. Devoid of interest. Good as a substitute for plasticine?
★

Aldi, Bavarian Sliced 200g, 99p So wonderfully, woefully dull I'm truly, truly staggered.
no stars

Camembert

M&S 250g, £2.79
A refined smell. Fabulous texture, good colour – the attractive, fresh flavour just lingers.
★★★★★

Tesco, d'Isigny en Normandie 250g, £1.48
Pale. But it has a good grassy aroma. You can smell the cow.
★★★★

Paxton & Whitfield 250g, £5.95
Looks nicely developed, but the smell is OTT. It tastes of iodine and straw. The texture is wrong.
★★★

Natoora 240g, £3, www.natoora.co.uk
Smell that heifer. This has a pronounced buttery, crumbly texture. Not that flavoursome.
★★★

Stilton

Colston Bassett 250g, £5.25, www.natoora.co.uk
The best here judging by colour and veining. It's buttery, with a hint of blue.
★★★★★

Co-op 320g, £3.00
Dainty taste that's pleasant enough on the palate. I'm not blown away, especially as it's quite acidic, but it's not terrible.
★★★

Asda 93p per 100g
Strange farm smell emanating from this. Saved only by its creaminess.
★

Tesco 220g, £1.72
Alarmingly white, with a chalky texture that turns to fondant. It certainly doesn't taste of milk.
no stars

Gouda

M&S 250g, £2.59
Nice firm texture. I like the sweet, appley notes. Frankly, unexpected.
★★★★

Tesco 265g, £1.48
This also smells of orchards. It's young but it has a wonderful light and creamy texture. Nice rich acidity, too.
★★★

Natoora 298g, 250g
Not amazing. There's little aroma and you can really taste that it's been pasteurised.
★★

Asda 175g, £1.96
A wedge of sweet plastic. It's lacking any aromatic interest and it tastes uninteresting.
★

Manchego

Tesco, Finest 90p per 100g
This smells the nicest. Rich and creamy – just far too young for me.
★★★★

M&S £1.59 per 100g
This has a different texture. It's dry, which is how it should be, and smells of lemons. But it's not brilliant.
★★★

Asda, Extra-Special 21p per 100g
Looks the best, but smells like washing-up liquid. It tastes of toffee. Actual toffee.
★★

Sainsbury's, Taste the Difference £1.28 per 100g
Commercial-looking, with a soapy kick and a bland aftertaste.
★

Emmental

Paxton & Whitfield £2.20 per 100g
Lovely texture. Smells and tastes nutty. I like the sharp aftertaste. Just not steeped in flavour.
★★★★

Tesco, Finest Cave-Aged Swiss 195g, £2.19
A typical emmental with a cooked-cheese taste. A touch young.
★★★

Sainsbury's 97p per 100g
This looks a little unholed. It's also remarkably firm, grainy in texture and salty. Which is odd.
★★

Asda 250g, £2
Greasy, pungent, rubbery. Like an old car tyre.
★

Red Leicester

M&S £1.89 per 100g
Nice nutty smell. The first taste is hazelnuts and cream. This would be excellent with pickle.
★★★★

Paxton & Whitfield £2.25 per 100g
Well aged and probably good with a pickled onion.
★★★★

Sparkenhoe 250g, £5.75, www.natoora.co.uk
Smoky taste followed by a cheesy bite. Not bad at all.
★★★

Aldi 360g, £2.05
Cut from a block. Oh dear. The smell is neutral, the taste is neutral, and the texture is waxy. It cloys.
★

• Main photograph: Claude Bosi wears jumper by Marc Jacobs, my-wardrobe.com; scarf by Topman; boots by North Face, blacks.co.uk. Rowley Leigh wears gloves by Folk, oki-ni.com; duffel by Gloverall and sweater by Farah, both My Wardrobe. Angela Hartnett wears coat and jumper, both Topshop; Hunter wellies, My Wardrobe. Eric Chavot wears polo neck by Fairisle, My Wardrobe; trapper by Topman. Stuart Gillies wears hat and coat, both Topman; Hunter wellies, Blacks. Clare Smyth wears jumper by Topshop. Jason Atherton wears hat by Topman; coat by APC and jumper by Lyle & Scott, both My Wardrobe; gloves by Folk. Richard Corrigan wears scarf by Folk; coat by Topman; boots by North Face, Blacks. Tom Aikens wears hat by Topman; cardigan by Folk; Hunter wellies, Blacks. Styled by Morwenna Ferrier. With thanks to dzd.co.uk for the snow effects and to Pedlars.co.uk for the Christmas trees