My earliest food memory is being starving hungry after swimming. I think that’s quite common with children: the second you’re out of the water you want to have a Twix, a cup of tea and chips and salty stuff. There’s a big pool in Dagenham and a fish and chip shop called The Golden Fish opposite and you can have bread and margarine while waiting for your chips, and I really loved that.

I became a vegetarian at seven. I went on a school trip to a farm and loved the animals. I told Dad I was going to be a farmer because I wanted to look after animals and show them to children, but he said that’s what we eat, chopped up. I was aghast.

My early memories of my mother are all of her dieting. She had me when she was 18, so she was pretty young and I remember SlimFast in cans and “lean cuisine” for her dinner. Working all the time and a single mother of three, she didn’t learn to cook or have any time to cook. We had a terrible diet and she wouldn’t mind me saying that. My youngest sister Kristyna, spelt after a Polish woman in the credits of Schindler’s List, is diabetic and a parent now and she is very conscientious about eating at table and having no phones present. We’ve all found ways of rebelling from our childhoods.

I ran away to see Take That. I took the same packed lunch I would have taken to school – sandwiches Mum made on a Sunday night and froze, so we could take a set out every day, hoping they had defrosted by lunchtime. It was usually cheese or cheese paste, or some kind of spread like mayonnaise with vegetable bits in it.

I get terrible hate mail from other vegans. I made a vegan bread and “butter” pudding on Bake Off: Extra Slice and they said I should have boycotted the show because other guests used eggs and butter. I got emails telling me to kill myself. They’re much angrier at people who are supposed to be on their side.

I understand how some young women use veganism as a way of being both ethical and keeping weight down. I wrote on my website that veganism isn’t right for everyone and the first thing you have to consider is nutrition. I was saying that some use veganism as a form of eating disorder and that careful vegans replace what they cut out of their diet.

I’ll tell you why so many comediennes have polycystic ovaries. The pancreas releases insulin to make you ready for fight or flight when you’re scared. So if you don’t fight or flight – if you stay onstage, telling jokes – then your body stores more fat in your tummy which makes you insulin resistant. All comedians have fat bellies, even if they exercise. Even the skinny ones have big bellies.

My current show LadsLadsLads reflects on the relationship and aftermath of my time with my ex, John Robins. He became pescetarian and is actually vegan now. All my former boyfriends become vegan and it’s really annoying. I plan to write standup about it because they’re never vegan when I’m with them. I feel they think about it more after breaking up. My friend says, ‘Maybe you’ve got pamphlets in your vagina, but willies aren’t fast at reading’.

I’d prefer no animals were eaten but I understand that some people don’t like the taste of soya, that some people want their cheese, butter and cereals in the morning and that some people feed so many different meals to different people that they don’t adhere themselves. The idea of making those people feel guilty is a bit like giving people an eating disorder – because they eat more cheese they then feel bad about eating more cheese and on it goes. Also, vegetarianism comes in phases. I’ve met lots of people who were veggie up until university, or became vegetarian at university, or got pregnant and their bodies needed different foods. I would never argue with a pregnant woman.

I took part in a hunger strike to support Reprieve, who campaign for those who are on death row or are illegally imprisoned in other countries. I undertook 24 hours of the hunger strike. It takes a lot of concentration, because occasionally you think “Oooh, I’ll eat now” and then remember you can’t. It gnaws at the stomach after 15 or so hours.

I’ve recently moved into a rented flat in Finsbury Park. The tiles in the kitchen are pale green and I’ve used the shelves to display my stepmum’s work. She is a brilliant potter called Kirsten Coelho who sometimes gives me cups or bowls that I live in fear of breaking.

I have a plant-based diet, mostly unprocessed foods, but I also drink quite a lot of alcohol, so I am not completely healthy.

LadsLadsLads, Wyndham’s Theatre, London, 15-20 Jan; delfontmackintosh.co.uk/tickets