'Which soup? Let me ask the chef... Yeah we can do that if you phone the day before to let us know.'

'OK. Cabbage soup? Er, one second. We don't have any cabbage. Who is Liz Hurley? We can make soup but not cabbage, Would she like fish or chicken instead?'

'I'm sure we can do it for her, but, madam, we will have to charge her the minimum price which is £50 per head. Perhaps she would like an assiette of vegetables too?'

'We can't cook meat. I'm very sorry but even for Jennifer we cannot cook meat on the premises, this is a completely vegetarian restaurant.'

'We only have lamb, we will not be able to give her steak.'

'That is absolutely no problem madam.'

'That is absolutely no problem - we have a couple of vegan starters and main courses on our menu.'

'What is vegan?.. Er, hmm, let me think. I'm sure we can arrange something if you booked in advance. We can fax through the menu if you like.'

'We will only be able to make up a choice of two starters and two mains.. I will check with the chef and call you back... [calls back] We will be able to provide vegan dishes but you will have to give our chef two days notice.'

The Gate (Vegetarian restaurant) Tel: 020 8748 6932

Zilli Fish Tel: 020 7240 0011

Aubergine Tel: 020 7352 3449