My meals as a child were functional. We never ate anything exotic in Teddington. My mother would start cooking the second she came in the door, before taking her coat off. We had typical English salads, quite sad ones, with no dressing. Just lettuce, cucumber, ham and a boiled egg. If I want to comfort myself to this day, I cook a shepherd's pie.

As a student I was famous for making 'porky pieces' - cheap cuts of pork belly, which I'd stir-fry with rice. There were too many drugs going on to care about food. When I got my own place I started to throw dinner parties; I could do 10 guests quite comfortably. They didn't really come for the food though. I'd get them very, very drunk and hope for the best.

I love breakfast. I have an organic orange-infused granola from Marks & Spencer, sprinkled with blueberries. My favourite food is sushi. I've never tried making it myself, but I don't need to, because I live round the corner from the best sushi place in London. My last meal would be sushi and sashimi, with tempura, though you do read stuff about the worms ...

My repertoire is quite limited. If you could take a pill instead of eating a meal I'd be popping them. I don't love food like some people do - salivating, marinating ... I just like to rustle up a meal. I'll often shove a chicken in to roast or do a stir fry.

I don't do a weekly supermarket shop, more like a daily thing. I buy fruit and vegetables - broccoli, beans, leeks, and ready-chopped beanshoots for a stir-fry. I'm impatient with shopping. I hate the queues. I used to have panic attacks, and was prone to them in supermarket queues. When I became well-known people would look at me, and at what I was buying, which made me feel self-conscious. If I had a sad little basket for one, I'd buy for two, so people wouldn't think I was single.

I love fish, especially sardines, though they smell the house out. I don't indulge myself in puddings. But I buy very good chocolates for my boyfriend, then I'll have a bit. I have lots of salad and water, but then I do smoke and drink, so I suppose it balances out.

I live in Kent half the time, which is where I entertain. I eat a lot of hearty country food down there. I'm growing courgettes and rhubarb and runner beans - someone said I only grow phallic veg. In the village the other day a neighbour asked my boyfriend and I who was the cook in our relationship, as if it was some window into the bedroom. We laughed. I don't have many food vices, though I love cold meats, and gnawing on the bone - I sneak back into the kitchen after Sunday lunch.

For years I only drank white wine, but the glass emptied too fast, so now drink red. I can't handle hangovers now - I used to like them when I was young, drifting through the day ... I started feeling old about three years ago, and stopped going out. I prefer communing with nature now.

Sardines

Sardines are stacked with omega-3 fats that have been linked with a reduced risk of heart disease, depression and dementia. And sardines are one of the more 'sustainable' fish left in the sea.

Dark chocolate

Cocoa does seem to be a quite nutritious food, but refined sugar is not so healthy. So, dark chocolate, on account of its rich cocoa content and relatively restrained sugar content, is a reasonably healthy treat.

Red wine

Evidence suggests that the apparent 'benefits' of drinking red wine come not from the wine, but a comparatively healthier lifestyle common to red wine drinkers. I'd advise Julian to balance each glass with one of water.

Roast chicken

Because most supermarket chickens will be intensively reared, I'd advise Julian to source this meat from a shop that offers free range and/or organic birds. Nutritionally, this is good, basic fare.

Granola with blueberries

I'm not a fan of breakfast cereals, but muesli is an exception, as it is usually made from relatively natural, nutritious and unprocessed foods. The blueberries are a plus, too.

Sushi

A diet rich in fish is believed to offer significant health benefits, and sushi obviously scores highly here. The other major ingredient in sushi - white rice - I'm less enthusiastic about as it offers little nutritional value.

Stir-fry broccoli, beans, leeks and beanshoots

It's always good to see some veg in a basket. Keeping cooking temperature low and cooking time short should help to ensure maximum nutritional value.

· Julian Clary's novel, Murder Most Fab, is out now (Ebury)