'Before I became a comedian I was a doctor and, while I was training, I got into this semi-skimmed and low-fat fad. I was very healthy. Then, when I started practising as a doctor, I was treating people with heart attacks who had always followed lots of diets.
I concluded that, unless you have fish and chips and deep-fried pizzas every day, or are overweight, your diet has a small effect on your risk of developing a fatal disease. This is my view, not the view of the medical profession. I don't smoke or have any other vices so I think I can eat what I feel like.
When I wake up I'll probably have a bowl of Jordan's crunchy muesli. She's very good, Jordan; she makes lovely muesli. I might follow it with half a piece of toast, because I make toast for the kids and eat whatever's left. I have it with two cups of tea. I need tea and it's got to be Fairtrade, obviously. Fairtrade has recently got a new trademark, which was partly down to me because I said I didn't think the old trademark was very eye-catching.
Throughout the day I eat Fairtrade bananas, pickled onions and a lot of peanuts. I have always liked peanuts but I don't think I have ever eaten them in such huge quantities as I do at the moment. My wife buys these big bags for me. So lunch is a large bag of KP, and then I have pork pies. Crunchy outsides with that nice soft inside.
My wife and I don't go out much because we can't be bothered. It gets to half past ten and we want to go to bed so we have takeaways - often Chinese crispy duck pancakes. Pre-prepared M&S lamb shanks are very good and I have them with McCain's Southern Fries, which I fry rather than bake so they taste more like chips. I drink Bloody Marys in the evening. My agent said "you look tense, have a Bloody Mary" and I've followed his advice ever since.'
· Harry Hill's new book Flight From Death Row is available from Time Warner, £5.99
McCain's southern fries
The starch in potatoes tends to liberate sugar very rapidly into the bloodstream, stimulating surges of insulin that speed the manufacture of fat in the body. Plus, potatoes are pretty much devoid of any useful nutrients. This product also contains an unhealthy serving of fat, and frying only adds insult to injury.
Pickled onions
Onions are rich in a plant chemical called quercetin that some evidence suggests might help to protect against a range of conditions including heart disease, asthma and lung cancer.
Jordan's crunchy muesli
The main ingredient, oats, gives a sustained release of sugar into the blood and reduces cholesterol. However, this brand is laced with sugar, which detracts from the oats' health-giving properties.
Peanuts
Peanuts are fatty, but this is predominantly oleic acid, a 'healthy' monounsaturated fat found in olive oil. At least one study has found that eating peanuts tends to alter cholesterol levels.
Pork pies
About two thirds of the energy supplied by the average pork pie comes from fat, and the rest of what makes up these unsavoury items is unlikely to provide any nutritional value to the body.
Fairtrade bananas
Bananas are rich in a bunch of nutritional elements believed to have heart disease-quelling effects including fibre, magnesium and vitamin B6. Another healthy content is potassium, which recent evidence suggests has the capacity to protect against strokes.
Fairtrade tea
Tea is rich in substances called polyphenols that research suggests helps reduce the risk of heart disease. Some water might be nice too; a recent study found that men drinking more water had about half the risk of heart disease compared to those tending to go dry during the day.
Lamb shanks
Sheep and lambs usually spend most of their lives outdoors, and generally get to eat a relatively natural and unadulterated diet. As a result, lamb is a relatively untainted meat, and I am therefore a fan. While much is made of the hazards of saturated fat in red meat, no study has found that cutting back on this stuff actually saves lives.
Crispy duck pancakes
From a nutritional perspective, the duck, cucumber, spring onion and pancakes make a reasonably well-balanced meal. From time to time Harry might benefit from knocking up simple but wholesome meals based on fresh produce such as organic meat or fish with some fresh vegetables.
Bloody Mary
The supposed benefits of alcohol have been seriously overstated. That said, vodka is relatively free from additives known as congeners that are believed to have hangover-inducing potential. Tomato juice contains the nutrient lycopene, linked with a reduced risk of heart disease and prostate cancer.
