Camembert
Fribois 240g, £3, natoora.co.uk
Nice blooming on top: the bouncy surface is a good indicator of how gooey it is. Smooth all the way through with a nice tang and an almost floral taste. Lovely, lovely cheese.
5 stars
La Petite Normandie £4.30 per cheese, .teddingtoncheese.co.uk
This is gooey under the knife but there's a touch of chalk running through the middle. Pretty good, though, despite this.
3 stars
Asda 250g, £1.98
This looks and feels very hard. There's an unpromising, dry, chalkiness under the rind and it has a bitter aftertaste. But the cheese isn't bad. Passable as a camembert.
1 star
Somerfield, Best Ever 250g, £2.49
Very mild, very generic, very depth-less. A nonentity.
No stars
Roquefort
Natoora £2.40 per 100g, natoora.co.uk
A bold chunk of cheese which feels dense between my fingers but tastes wonderfully light. I can feel the saltiness on my tongue, and it smells superb.
4 stars
Vieux Berger £2.99 per 100g, teddingtoncheese.co.uk
Fruity and vinegary, which sounds odd, but that's how it should be. It's the smelliest of the four and the pong shoots right up your nose. Lovely.
4 stars
Papillon Black Label
£2.75 per 100g, papadeli.co.uk
This crumbles and feels just like roquefort. There's a good amount of fat and the strong smell is delicious.
4 stars
Marks & Spencer £2.89 per 100g
OK the competition was stiff but this is damp and it doesn't smell like roquefort. It's odd, sweet and aggressive.
No stars
Duck pate
Marks & Spencer 250g, £3.99
This is the most authentic duck-liver pâté of the lot. It looks livery, it spreads nicely and leaves a ferrous aftertaste which indicates that the liver was fresh.
4 stars
Ferme Saint Cristophe 270g, £9.95, papadeli.co.uk
Typical, country-style pâté. Natural in colour and flavour and possibly even home-made. I think there's rosemary in here and the jelly is a lovely addition.
4 stars
Romy 200g, £7.95, formanandfield.com
It's hard to tell which sort of animal this came from. It must be duck but I suspect a host of other animals. The white fat looks like port fat. But it's nice and peppery.
3 stars
Somerfield, Best Ever 170g, £2
This is sweet and sticky and an odd colour. This is clearly sliced and made by a machine and doesn't taste like pâté.
No stars
French baguette
Natoora £1.25 each
Hand-rolled, which I like. From the burnt-flour smell I can tell this was cooked in a proper oven. It doesn't smell of yeast which is a shame but it's a good baguette.
3 stars
Marks & Spencer 85p each
It's lacking body and bounce and doesn't smell like bread when you get up close. But it has some crispiness, so points for that.
2 stars
Somerfield 65p each
This is dry and flaky but at least it resembles a baguette. So, I'll give it a point for that.
1 star
Tesco 60p each
Now this isn't stale but it's tasteless. Bland and I'm not too keen on the crust. No crunchiness on the outside and no gooey fluffiness on the inside.
1 star
Saucisson
Teyssier, aux noisettes 250g, £5.50, bayley-sage.co.uk
The fat is cut into nice, small bits, the nuts aren't gimmicky and add a lovely crunch. Nice saltiness.
5 stars
Green peppercorn 250g, £6.25 each, papadeli.co.uk
Lovely green peppercorns. Smaller pieces of fat, lovely strong, garlic taste and not too much salt. I'm not convinced by the burning peppery aftertaste, but very nice.
4 stars
De Montagne
250g, £4.12, natoora.co.uk
Chunky, meaty saucisson. Sufficiently porky if a little sinewy. It's quite salty but then I quite like that. Good bite, authentic smell and it's less aggressive on the salt- and-pepper front than the others.
3 stars
Sainsbury's, Sec de Montagne 100g, £1.39
Driest of the lot and somewhat salty. But it's rich and smells like proper saucisson. Just a little underwhelming.
Unsalted butter
Lescure 250g, £1.69, Waitrose
The creaminess works for me. So does the colour. A more buttery butter, it's rich and thick and melts on your tongue. Not bad for unsalted butter which is notoriously bland.
3 stars
Marks & Spencer, Echire 250g, £2.59
Fairly bland but a nice creamy colour and it spreads well even after being in the fridge. It has a nice, milky aftertaste too.
3 stars
Rachel's Organic 250g, £2.05, organicdelivery.co.uk
Smooth and milky, but it leaves a slightly odd taste in my mouth. I like the deep, rich colour and flavour of Jersey milk.
3 stars
Burro Soresina 500g, £4.95, natoora.co.uk
The colour is all wrong. It looks like lard and it tastes rubbery, almost like Plasticine. But there's a farmyard smell, which I rather like.
No stars
