To pipecleaner thin fashionistas, the idea of consuming more than Evian and cigarettes may be scary but, for those of us who need a little more than nicotine and water to get us through a hard day's shopping, Italy's style capital has a new idea: fashion on a plate.
In the past 12 months, almost every designer has opened a branded bar and restaurant, with architecture and menus that reflect their style. Can man live by fashion alone? It's an arduous task but, armed only with my credit card and an empty stomach, I head to Milan to see if I can eat and drink fashion for 24 hours.
My menu alla moda starts at 7am at the Bulgari Hotel, the Italian luxury jeweller's first foray into haute hotels. Soaking in a bath infused with Thé Vert fragrances, I sip Bulgari green tea from a monogrammed bone china cup. It's an absurdly promising start.
Breakfast on planet fashion is coffee and a cigarette. With smoking inside restaurants now banned in Italy, the only place to start the day alla Milanese is on the terrace of the Gucci cafe in the giant iron and glass domed mall, Galleria Vittorio Emanuele. A Marlboro Red - Donatella Versace's favourite puff - and a gran cappuccino later and I'm ready to hit the shops on Via Montenapoleone and Via della Spiga.
Tramping the streets, label by label, is exhausting, and soon it's time for some, whisper it, f-o-o-d. In Roberto Cavalli's Just Cavalli store on via della Spiga, a leather-lined pumpkin-shaped elevator leads to a cafe where the zebra-print banquettes are surrounded by a sea water aquarium, the perfect spot to try out new season seafood micro-panini. I opt for the smoked salmon, with crunchy fresh-cut Tuscan artichoke hearts, on warm ciabatta.
After ordering a bespoke rib-weave, herring-bone Gucci shirt and picking out an Armani sartoriale suit, it's almost lunchtime. But where to eat? Mamma's Trattoria would never do. I need lunch with a logo. At the end of via Montenapoleone, the Emporio Armani Caffe serves classic Italian food with Asian accents - just like the designer's slouchy chic clothes. The risotto is infused with ginger and the roast sea bass comes with vegetables in lemon balm. Each course is served on reassuringly label-heavy plates with "EA" branded cutlery.
I head back on to the chic streets in search of coffee and il dolce. Corso Como 10, run by former Italian Vogue editor, Carla Sozzani, is Milan's answer to London's Brown's or Colette in Paris but it beats its rivals because its food is every bit as good as its frocks. The espresso is so sharp and mandarino sorbetti so light that they would tempt even the most strong-willed size zero model.
After heading next door to the boutique itself to cane my credit on the new season Miu Miu shirts piled up in neat white pyramids, it's cocktail hour. On Corso Venezia raven-haired temptresses, dressed in Dolce & Gabbana bespoke French maid's outfits, dust the cocktail glasses. A classic gin martini is a necessary accessory in the black lacquered D&G Martini bar.
Dinner is as rich and luxurious as an emerald and white gold Bulgari necklace. In the Antonio Citterio-designed restaurant at the Bulgari Hotel, I enjoy spaghettini with scampi, seabass with chervil and fennel, followed by espresso with soft, gooey amaretto biscuits fresh from the oven, served with a tart citrus cream.
Like fashion, food never sleeps and there is one final course on the menu. Below his Nobu sushi restaurant in via Manzoni is Giorgio Armani's Privé - his invitation-only nightclub. In the gloom, a negroni served by an Armani-clad waitress is the perfect digestif to round off my 24-hour fashion-only diet. Salute Giorgio! Salute Milano!
British Airways (ba.com) flies to Milan from £105 return inc tax. Bulgari Hotel, Via Gabba Fratelli (bulgarihotels.com) rooms from £300 a night.
Overland: London-Milan starts at £95 return by Eurostar and high-speed TGV, or £109 return by Eurostar and overnight sleeper train, including couchette. Book online at voyages-sncf.com or call Rail Europe on 0870 5 848848.
