'The whole cake thing has followed me around like some hideous nightmare. I deliberately didn't put any cakes on the list in an attempt to get out of the cake hell I've been living in since I mentioned them about 15 years ago. I only mentioned them a few times. It was the same thing with periods. I went back through my material to see exactly how long I'd got on periods. It was actually just one and a half minutes out of my whole comedy career.

This is a job which forces you to have odd eating patterns. I'm too nervous to eat before I go onstage and I'll usually eat out after the performance or when I get home at midnight. Like the vast majority of people in this country I'm not an adventurous eater and I tend to fixate on the familiar areas of the supermarket. I suppose that should be more experimental really, a regular meal for me would be a pizza or a big portion of spaghetti with some Bolognese sauce, bread and salad.

I pay a bit more than lip-service to health: I don't eat chips or pre-prepared food and it might be a comedy sacrilege to admit I do like vegetables, fruit and salad and stuff. I don't bother to diet. Baked potatoes are my current favourite, I could live off them.

I've always loved crunchy peanut butter. Some people say you shouldn't have it on toast with butter but it is too dry without. When I was about 11 I was attracted to wine gums because they had 'port' and 'sherry' on them and I used to feel that, at a push, you could actually get a bit pissed on them. I eat masses of those chewy sweets and I love cheese and onion crisps. They are in my car, in my handbag, in the cupboard, there are lots sprawled around everywhere.

Pickled onions also take me back. These days they make them for people of a nervous disposition but I'm not keen on those. I crave high-potency strength and preferably home-made ones. I buy smoked mackerel in a vain attempt at being healthy. I do actually really like it and you don't have to cook it which is handy. I might have it with coleslaw except that healthy type which tastes like it's been stirred in Dettol.
Interview by Chloe Diski

The verdict

Watercress
This leafy vegetable is rich in iron, vitamins C and E and calcium, to name but a few essential nutrients, making it an all-round star. As a salad ingredient, watercress can help vegetarians to glean a little iron, especially if it's accompanied by a vitamin C-rich food - perhaps a glass of freshly squeezed orange juice - because this vitamin aids iron absorption.

Cheese and onion crisps
I could start by saying that cheese is rich in calcium and that onions can be healthy, but I doubt that any of their healthy nutrients have found their way into these crisps - they're far more likely to have been flavoured with chemical additives. These crisps are also very high in fat, so I can't advocate tucking into them for any reason other than self-indulgence.

Peanut butter
Because peanuts are packed with energy it's best not to overindulge in peanut butter unless you're trying to put on weight. The good news is that peanut oils are monounsaturated, making them among the healthiest to eat, high monounsaturated fat intakes having been linked with a decreased heart-disease risk. Peanuts are also a useful food for vegetarians. Women who have a family history of allergies should, however, avoid peanuts during pregnancy and while breastfeeding to reduce the danger of their baby developing a nut allergy.

Spaghetti
The marathon-runner's friend, spaghetti is packed with starch, which helps to build and replenish glycogen stores within the muscles and liver. Some people, however, find that eating pasta at lunchtime makes them feel sleepy in the afternoon, in which case it may be better to regard it as a relaxing supper. Being rich in gluten (the protein within flour), pasta can upset people with wheat intolerances, although they may be able to enjoy it in moderation and as long as they don't eat many other wheat-containing foods like bread or biscuits on the same day.

Wine gums
Although dentists justifiably hate wine gums, they're not that high in calories and can provide a refreshing treat as long as one doesn't lead to 20, causing a surge in your blood-sugar level that could trigger a headache or nausea and aggravate bloating. (Vegetarians should note that they may contain gelatin.)

Pickled onions
Onions contain allicin, which protects the heart. Eating too many pickled foods has been linked with an increased risk of succumbing to some types of cancer, and the salt in the pickling process can raise blood pressure, but it's unlikely that a few pickled onions will have any adverse effects.

Baking potatoes
Although potatoes contain quite a lot of vitamin C, much of it will have been degraded by the long baking process, unlike their potassium, which can help to reduce high blood pressure. They provide energy and calories, making them a good meal for growing children, but don't cancel out their goodness by slapping on too much butter. One trick is to remove the flesh of the cooked potato and mash it with a little butter, olive oil or natural yoghurt and lots of freshly ground black pepper and then spoon the mash back into the potato skin.

Peppered smoked mackerel
Mackerel is rich in beneficial omega oils, which protect the heart and can relieve the symptoms of arthritis. Because it is also high in fat try to team it with a high-fibre food. Eating too many smoked foods has been linked with an increased risk of developing cancer, so try not to overindulge in them.

Garlic and mushroom pizza This is a good comfort food with very little nutritional value. The problem with commercially-made pizzas is that they're dripping with oil, and hence fat. If eaten when you're absolutely starving, they can cause indigestion, while devouring them on the hoof will send your gut haywire. The ideal way to eat this pizza is slowly, sitting down and with a side salad to provide some fibre and other nutritional goodies.

Coleslaw This is made with raw vegetables, which are high in fibre, potassium and other beneficial nutrients that haven't been lost through cooking. If I could persuade Jo to make her own she could rustle up a tasty version substituting yoghurt as dressing that would reduce the fat content.