Taman Gang, 141 Park Lane, London W1 (020 7518 3160). Meal for two, including wine and service, £130
Taman Gang and I were never going to be friends. However much my wife tells me to loosen up, I am never going to be happy in a restaurant that employs a DJ.
The gut-churning, ear-bleeding thrum makes me suspicious that the place is not one for eating in. I mean, what kind of person actually wants to have dinner in the middle of a nightclub? Didn't the US army play loud music at General Noriega to freak him out of his Panamanian bolthole? For a while during my time at Taman Gang, I felt a twinge of sympathy for him. Then again, I also had to eat the food, so I think I feel a little more sympathy for me.
Taman Gang does have its good points. The staff, while beautiful in a way that tends to sap the will, are all genuinely charming, sweet and efficient. If only all waiters could be this way. I liked the bowl of salted edamame beans they served with our cocktails and the mammary-plump prawn toasts, and the free prawn puffs, which must be one of the best free bar snacks in London.
But the rest of it simply managed to reinforce every single one of my prejudices against the rash of hip, pan-Asian, Nobu wannabes that are spreading across London like mould on a jam pot. The culinary agenda of re-engineered sushi, sashimi and noodles, with a flick of ponzu here and a dribble of mirin there, brings with it a fashion-victim agenda which can only confuse.
Why can't restaurants be built from the kitchen forward, rather than the banquettes back? It's not that the place is unattractive. The faux-Mayan brickwork walls are pretty, ditto the use of candles and throw cushions. But the food is so mediocre and in places so bad, particularly at these eye-watering prices, that a sane person can only question the reason for being there. Maybe we are short on sane people. To look really good here, you have to be young and beautiful, but you can't afford to come unless you're old and saggy. As a result, it was full of balding men wearing very expensive rimless spectacles.
So to that food. Our first starter: a 'Carpaccio of beef trussed in Eringi mushrooms with shaving of black truffle and Asian dressing'. Let's put aside the misuse of the verb 'to truss'. This was a truly stupid dish. Thinly sliced beef was rendered thick again by being wrapped around chewy bits of mushroom, and then rendered flavourless by being drenched in truffle oil. The starter of organic salmon and sea-bass sashimi was overwhelmed by a 'new style' black bean sauce. No idea what was new about the sauce. Perhaps they had only just made it for us. Both dishes were £12.50.
The lowest of the low was a main course of beef with crispy noodles mined with lumps of raw green and red pepper, drenched in a non-sequitur of a red wine-based sauce, slicked with soy. The beef, what there was of it for £16, was tender. But the rest of the dish was no better than I've had from one of the dodgier south London Chinese takeaways. And then some slightly overcooked salt-and-pepper king prawns. Honour was saved by an impressive souffle-like warm-chocolate pudding and lost again by dint of the £29 charge for a mediocre bottle of rosé. And all of this to the crunch of someone else's record collection.
To be fair, my wife, who hasn't been out much recently, liked the place at first. 'When I arrived I wanted to live here,' Pat said at the end. 'Now I've eaten the food, I want to go home.' So we did.
Spice route
Three authentic flavours of the orient
Koreana, 40A King Street West, Manchester (0161 832 4330)
This little basement restaurant, run by two generations of the Kim family, has been delighting Mancunians with its Korean specialities since 1985. There are some Japanese-seeming dishes, such as sushi (these are cha-bab and Koreans claim them as their own invention), but in the main the experience here is of a feast of dishes spread all over the table for sharing - the famous bulgogi (thin marinated beef strips), noodles, tofu, seafood. Koreana has few pretensions, yet some think it better than the restaurants in South Korea.
Thaisanuk, 21 Argyle Place, Edinburgh (0131 228 8855)
Another tiny place that makes a big impression, Thaisanuk offers not merely noodle dishes of every variety, from Vietnamese broth with beef, al dente vegetables and rice noodles to glass noodle salad with steamed prawns, but also the likes of whole seabass marinaded in Thai basil. It's a BYO too (£2 corkage) - another reason why regulars can afford to eat here as often as they can get a seat.
Eurasia, The Royal George, 54 London Road, Hurst Green (01580 860 883)
Malaysian-born Jo Lee married an Englishman and ended up in the leafy depths of Sussex, having converted this Georgian coaching inn to a pub and restaurant showcasing her home-style Nonya cooking. The street food char kuey teow (rice noodles, meat and seafood in chilli sauce) makes a great bar meal at £6.50; restaurant diners are treated to chilli crabs and other dishes. A great stopover from the A21.
Sue Webster
