Lemon tart

Waitrose 1 Sicilian Lemon Tart

530g, £5, waitrose.com

A nice pale lemon colour and looks like the filling has been baked in the pastry. A perfect amount of give, not too set, and there’s a nice tartness to it. It doesn’t disappoint.
★★★★★

Co-op Lemon Tart

2 x 115g, £2.49, food.coop.co.uk

Not enough filling, almost more pastry. Tastes uncooked – too much flour in the filling, it coats your mouth. Little chunks of zest, which is nice.
★★★

Tesco Finest Sicilian Lemon Tart

458g, £3, tesco.com

Has a weird jelly layer on top. Should it be removed? Who can tell? Gross. Buttery pastry; filling is like a home-ec lemon curd – no wobble at all.
★★

Morrisons The BestAll-Butter Sicilian Lemon Tart

435g, £3, morrisons.com

Like a lemon pork pie, the filling is coming away from the pastry. It’s like they’ve tried to combine them with a clear gel mix. Tastes rank – almost a Cif flavour to it. An abomination.
0 stars

Chocolate mousse

Tesco Finest Belgian Chocolate Mousse

100g, 80p, tesco.com

Oooh... This tastes like actual chocolate. If someone said they had made this, I would believe them. Easily the best.
★★★★

Waitrose 1 Pot Au Chocolat

100g, £2, waitrose.com

Feels quite solid, really rich. I find the liquid topping unnecessary. Take that off and you are left with a delicious mousse.
★★★

Gü Chocolate & Toffee Mousse Fusions

2 x 70g, £1.90, ocado.com

It’s got layers. Wow, so light and really smooth. The top layer tastes like good milk chocolate, velvety. The mousse is a tad too runny and really sweet.
★★

Co-op Milk Chocolate Mousse

4 x 60g, 79p, food.coop.co.uk

Tastes fake, there’s almost a floury cocoa-ness to it. I eat it and feel empty – it doesn’t feel like it would touch the sides. Too sweet.
★

Apple crumble

Aldi Bramley Apple & Salted Caramel Apple Crumble

600g, £2.99, aldi.co.uk

The pastry base isn’t conventional, but is not bad. Crumble is a good texture, apple is nice. Caramel is unnecessary.
★★★★

Country Puddings Bramley Apple Crumble

500g, £3.99, ocado.com

Looks good, looks homemade. Big chunks of apple. It definitely needs custard, as the texture is a bit cloying. Nice amount of sweetness. It’s OK.
★★★

Sainsbury’s Taste the Difference Apple & Oat Crumble Dessert

600g, £4, sainsburys.co.uk

They’re going for healthy vibes. The crumble is more like flapjack and sticks to the top of my mouth. But the apple has bite, like it’s a real-life apple.
★★

Asda Baker’s Selection Apple Crumble

500g, £2.50, asda.com

Smells like school dinners. Horrid. “Crumble” is a push, it’s like someone’s emptied soggy muesli on it. The apple has no flavour.
★

New York cheesecake

Waitrose New York Cheesecake

540g, £4.25, waitrose.com

The biscuit is sweet, but there’s a nice mouthfeel. I initially cussed it because of the weird top, but it’s my favourite.
★★★★

Tesco New York Cheesecake

450g, £2, tesco.com

It hasn’t got any cracks, it’s quite smooth. It’s a shame it tastes like cheap vanilla. It makes up for that in texture – it feels like my mum’s cheesecake.
★★★

Asda Extra Special Baked New York Cheesecake

475g, £3, asda.com

That chocolate swirl on top ... why bother? They are trying to make it look posher than it is. It tastes a bit musty. The base is really gritty.
★

Sainsbury’s Taste the Difference New York Cheesecake Dessert

650g, £4.75, sainsburys.co.uk

The vanilla seeds makes you think it’s a premium product when, in all honesty, it tastes a bit rancid. It’s got a nicely set top, but as soon as you taste it …
0 stars

Tiramisu

Morrisons Tiramisu

500g, £2.50, morrisons.com

Looks pretty. The best one. It’s tasty. It doesn’t feel boozy, I can only taste coffee flavour. Some people don’t love alcohol in their pudding; I prefer a bit of booze, but the cream is nice.
★★★

Co-op Tiramisu

500g, £2.40, food.coop.co.uk

The liquid in this is my favourite; I actually get a hit of booze. I’m not crazy on the moussey-ness of the tiramisu.
★★★

Eat First Tiramisu

180g, £4.19, ocado.com

I like the layers, but it’s skimpy on cream. The cocoa nibs ruin it for me, otherwise it’s not bad. Could be boozier. More cream, less nib!
★★

Tesco Tiramisu

500g, £2.50, tesco.com

This would insult any nonna. The colour of the cream is unappealing, looks jellyish. Tastes very claggy and cloying. I really dislike it. I never want to see it again.
0 stars

Rice pudding

Waitrose Clotted Cream Rice Puddings

2 x 150g, £2.50, waitrose.com

Good amount of nutmeg on this one. It’s quite thick, but the creaminess is nice. My favourite. I think Delia would be proud of it. I don’t think she would turn her nose up.
★★★★

Tesco Creamy Rice Puddings

2 x 173g, £2, tesco.com

Looks alright. Quite sweet, there’s a nice taste of nutmeg. I feel like it’s something my mum would have made. It’s a traditional rice pudding. Not unpleasing.
★★★

Rachel’s Organic Divine Rice Pudding

2 x 150g, £1.60, ocado.com

Feels a bit gelatinous. It’s something I would feed my 14-month-old daughter. It just doesn’t have an overt taste; a milky rice pudding. Average.
★★★

Sainsbury’s Clotted Cream Rice Pudding

2 x 125g, £2, sainsburys.co.uk

Why is it yellow? It’s a fluidy mess. Has the creamy aspect been incorporated after cooking the rice? I’m not into it.
★